Inadequacy

Senior year is supposed to be the year where you can just slack, but I chose to stray from that tradition. My class schedule is loaded. I don't have a study hall my entire senior year. I'm taking Spanish 4, government, calculus, AP chem, college comp, physics, PE  and band. I thought it through my junior year, and I told myself that I could do this. I told myself that I'm smart; I've always had good grades. The lowest grade I've ever had on my report card is a B! But all my feelings changed this year due to one or two classes.

My class load is not only tremendous, but it is difficult. Right now, I really feel like I can't do this. I don't know why I got myself into this. In calculus, for example, I have always been good at math! ALWAYS. And now I feel inadequate, like I can't do anything. In my current math class, I feel stupid. I can't comprehend things like I used to be able to. I got the lowest score I've every gotten on a test this year. I have the lowest grade I have ever had right now, and I'm lucky that it's on a college grading scale. I work my butt off, I do my homework, I take good notes, and I pay attention in class, but none of it works. I'm want to give up, I really do. But I know if I give up, I will regret it later.

The feeling of being inadequate is probably one of the worse feelings ever. And it doesn't just apply to school. I can be related to people, too. Being in a family where you have parents or older/younger siblings that are brilliant at certain things that you can't do, is where someone would most likely feel inadequate. In a relationship or with friends, you may not feel good enough because maybe they're prettier, or smarter, or better at sports. You might feel inadequate there. I know I have plenty of times. Although a lot of people have probably felt inadequate in a family, I've gotten lucky and was born in a family where nobody feels inadequate. We are all equal and embrace each others flaws, we lift each other up when they're down, we can talk to each other about anything. I guess I've gotten lucky with that.

My family and God are the only things that are getting me through this feeling. I know I can trust both of them and go to both of them with anything. I also know that God would not have me do something that he knows I couldn't do. Because I'm taking all of these classes, that means God knows that I can do this and he will help me every step of the way. I may not do as well as I would like to do, but I'm doing the best I can and that's all that matters, right?

I can do this.