Forever & Always

One depressing post. That's all I'm doing. Please refrain from judging. I'm not posting this for people to feel sorry for me at all. This is my blog for my feelings. If that makes you uncomfortable, then feel free to leave. 

Forever & Always; 

A phrase commonly overused in relationships, yet couldn't be used enough in families. When you lose someone, either you remember all the good times you had with them, or you remember everything you didn't say to them that you now wish you would've. Two years ago to this day, I lost my grandpa. I remember the everything about the last two days I had with him. I'm not about to go into details about it because I'm sure I'd probably start crying here in class, but those most definitely were the hardest days of my life. I laid in the hospital bed with my grandpa until the nurses and my family told me I needed to go spend time with the rest of the family. I listened and went to the family room and sat there with them. I sat there with my family, and we all just stared blankly without saying a word. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence in the way that it was awkward, but it was uncomfortable in the way that you could tell immediately when you walked in the room that something was wrong. The next day, November 13, 2010, my grandpa took his last breath. I got to say goodbye, and I got to tell him I loved him, but I also had the unfortunate opportunity to watch him take his last breath. 

I spent the next couple days with my family, and I also didn't go to school for a week. The days after that are all a blur. I walked through them as if I was a ghost. People came to my grandma's house and said they were sorry for our loss and gave us food, but it didn't mean anything at the time, and I don't remember half the people that came over. But one thing I do remember is the opportunity I got to talk at his funeral. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I doing it for my grandpa, and that made it worth it. I talked about how close we were and how much I loved him and will always love him, but I'm not sure you could understand half of what I was saying between my sobs. I had my family there with me to help me be strong and tell me I could do it and express that I'm doing something that many, many people could never fathom doing, especially for a fifteen year old. 

What I'm getting at with this whole story is to never think you that you can tell someone you love them too much. When you leave your house, tell your mom and dad you love them. Before you hang up the phone on your grandma or grandpa, tell them you love them. Text your cousin, your aunt, your uncle, or even your best friend and tell them you love them. Don't be afraid to use the words forever or always. Let them know how much they mean to you because some day, you might not get the opportunity to tell them again.

I'll love you forever, I'll miss you for always. As long as I'm living, my best friend you'll be. <3