A New Start

Hi friends,

I've been gone for quite some time. I think my last post was in 2013? My senior year of High School, and now it's almost 2018 - my SUPER senior year of college?!?! Holy cow. How time has flown by!

I've decided as one of my goals for 2018 I'm going to start blogging again. I'm think maybe once a week, but for sure once a month! I will be interning this next semester at an assault care center, so I think this will be a great outlet for me. I'm not sure what I'll write about, but it could be about any of the following: my experience in my internship, future plans, health and wellness, essential oils, etc. Whatever I feel like I need to talk about!

I'm excited to start doing this again. It will be such a great creative outlet for me, and I'm planning on this being a great destressor for me, as well!

If you're interested, I'll share these on my social media pages, if not, that's cool, too ;)

Happy New Years, friends!

Coming To An End

Oh this is a little funny being that today was supposed to be the end of the world. But, sadly, this isn't about the world coming to an end. This is about my high school career coming to a fast halt. Although right now I can't wait to get out for the break, it does make me sad that next year I won't be at this school. Next year I'll be off doing something totally different and I don't even know what it will be now. I'll be at some college I have yet to choose, and I'll be trying to make new friends. This is a huge step, and I don't know if I'm ready to take it.

Within the next year I will have my last jazz competitions, prom, and spring break in high school. My brother will be going off into the marines, I'll play my last softball game, and I'll have to leave my family and boyfriend behind as I go off to college. Right now, I don't know how I'm going to do so. I see my family every day; how am I going to go months without seeing them? I only see my boyfriend two or three times a week, and I hate it. How am I going to go months without seeing him too? I'll also have to face the freshman fifteen. And to be completely honestly, that scares the crap out of me.

With all these things I'm going to hate, there has to be some stuff to look forward to. Hmm.. Making new friends isn't necessarily my strong suit, but it'll be nice being able to start over. The college football and basketball will be crazy fun! And, in a way I'll be closer to my family in Illinois depending on what college I choose. With the freshman fifteen, I guess that will be more of a reason for me to keep up on working out.
Out of all the good and bad things about going to college, the hardest thing for me will be leaving everyone I've known my whole life. It's hard realizing that once we graduate, the people we've gone to school with for twelve years will be mere strangers a year from now. It's sad, really. Growing up stinks :(

Clarification.

I should clarify on my previous post about parents. In no way shape or form am I saying that I'm upset with my parents for not telling me earlier. Knowing how upset I initially was at age fifteen, I can't begin to think about how angry I would be if they told me earlier than that. Also, I'm not mad at all that I didn't grow up with Kelly. I know how extremely lucky I am to have Rich. I know that he loves me, and he knows that I love him.

If I didn't have him in my life, I honestly wouldn't be here right now. Six or seven years ago (I think) he was taking out docks, and I was just lying on the dock, wrapped in my moms black sweatshirt. I was extremely tired so I slowly began to fall asleep. Now looking back, I realize that that was a very bad idea. I don't think my parents realized that I fell asleep until I rolled over a landed in the water. At that time I didn't know how to swim and plus it didn't help that I was wrapped up in a sweatshirt. The water was freezing, and I was fighting to get to the surface. My dad jumped in the water and pulled me out, essentially saving my life.

He did save my life, but that's not the only reason why I'm so lucky to have him. He has provided me with things that I wouldn't have without him. He has taught me so much. I realize how if I had grown up with different father, I would be totally different. If my mom would've raised me on her own, she wouldn't be as happy as she is today. That's the most important thing to me. If my mom would've tried raising me on her own without Rich, I don't think she would be very happy. Seeing how happy Rich makes my mom warms my heart.

I love both of them so much. All I wanted to get at with this post is that I'm grateful for both of my parents. Although it wasn't ideal to not know that I had two sisters all my life and that I went to school with them, I understand why it had to be this way.

No Point.

Brace yourself. This next post is going to be extremely catty and dramatic. I apologize in advance.

Most of you know that bad is an extremely important aspect to my life, so I take it pretty seriously. I practice as often as possible, and I try my hardest in rehearsal. Over my high school career, band has become more than a class. Band has become my life, my love, and my passion. I'm very tough on myself, and I expect the best. Although this is somewhat a good thing, it's not always the best. I expect so much from myself that when I mess up, I put myself down to the point of tears. But that's just me. How can I care so much while others don't seem to care at all?

I take my trumpet home almost every day. Even days when I could easily say I have no time to practice, I make time. Other people have plenty of time, yet they don't take it home. I worked my butt off for my spot. I wasn't always at the level I'm at now. I went from fifth chair in jazz, to second chair, and finally got first chair. I went from being fifth chair in concert band to being fourth, to first two years in a row. That doesn't just happen over night. I stepped it up. You should too.

I understand that this is from my perspective and that my perspective will differ among many of you. Because I'm in band, and I want to sound good, I'm very biased. But take this into consideration. You're in a sport ,say basketball, and you are trying your hardest because you care. You look over at one of your teammates and they are just messing around. They're obviously not trying to get better, and that ticks you off. Why does that tick you off? Because you care. That's the point. There's no difference between basketball, dance, or band. When you're involved in something, you need to try and put forth effort, or you're just letting others down who love what they're doing. Do you want to be that kid who lets the rest of the band down? Oh wait, you don't care.

Soundtrack of My Life

I’m writing this for my college comp class, and I’m really trying my hardest to find the write songs that fit these situations. My goal in writing this paper is to sound like me and let my readers better understand my life and why I do the things I do. This is probably going to be a little too personal and a bit cheesy, but oh well. “This Is Me” by Demi Lovato explains how I feel now about my life. “This is real, this is me. I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be now. I’m gonna let the light shine on me.”

DC Trip

My summer after my freshman year I went on a trip to Washington DC, New York City, Rehoboth Beach, Gettysburg, PA, and Philadelphia. It was probably one of the longest trips of my life. There was constant movement, I didn’t sleep once on the bus, I got seasick on the ferry, and I went to like twelve memorials in a three day period. The one thing that I always remember when I think about this trip is going across the bridge to get to New York City, and the song that was playing in the background was “Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. It was at the part in the song where they’re singing, “Now you’re in New York. These streets will make you feel brand new. Big lights will inspire you. Let’s hear it for New York, New York, New York.” Imagine it, you’re going across the bridge, and you look down into the water. The waves rolling while you’re getting closer and closer to the city. It’s kind of dark out so you can see the lights of the city. All of this is happening while the song is playing. It simply takes your breath away. This was an absolutely amazing moment; it was so surreal. It was like a scene taken straight out of a movie.

Cheerleading

If I had to recommend one thing to any younger girl, cheerleading would be it. Cheerleading changed my life and really let me grow into who I really am. I started cheering my sophomore year, and I really wished I would’ve started it earlier. The transition from being a big dog in eighth grade to being a mediocre child had a tremendous impact on me. I went from being loud and somewhat obnoxious to really quiet. I didn’t quite know who I was. But cheerleading changed all of that for me. I opened up and made new friends that I never would’ve made. Because of cheerleading, I learned who my biological father was and that I had two sisters. My passion for cheering is huge, and that song that represents it is “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO. Our homecoming routine my junior year was based on this song, so what better song to use than this one?

Tennessee Mission’s Trip

This past summer I went to Tennessee on a mission’s trip with a church group I had never met before that. You could probably imagine how nervous I was. Opening up to people has never really been a strong suit for me. And to add to it, I had to sit on a bus with all these people for eighteen hours. EIGHTEEN WHOLE HOURS. It was definitely worth it though. For the first couple of days we did mission work that blew my mind. We helped in a group home for people recouping from drug/alcohol addiction and being homeless the first day. The days following, we worked at food shelves, packing clothes for the homeless, and spreading the love of God. Needless to say, it was a life changing experience. There’s one night that sticks out when I think about this trip. It was the first night of worship, and the most amazing worship service I had ever seen. The pastor asked people to come forward, and I did what he asked. The band continued to play as I sat on my knees praying. I then felt a hand on my shoulder, and it was someone that I had never met before in my life. This lady prayed over me and said things that I had never told anyone. I was astonished, and I just broke down. I sat there and cried, not knowing what to do. After she stopped praying over me, I just sat there and continued to pray. As I sat there, I opened my heart up. I let go of all the bad emotions I had been feeling, and, believe it or not, I was instantly happier. The song playing in the background was “Your Love Never Fails” played by Chris Martin. Whenever I’m feeling iffy about anything, I listen to this song and remind myself that God would never put anything in my way if I couldn’t handle it. If I hadn’t gone on this trip, I honestly have no idea what I would be doing now. I thank God everyday for pushing me to go on this trip.

Babies

Believe me, I understand that I talk about the babies in my family a lot, but can you blame me? These children are the loves of my life. “With Arms Wide Open” by Creed is a perfect song to explain this. Although I’m not their mother, my love for these kids doesn’t change. Being that the Connecticut shooting just happened, I’ve realized how painful it would be if I ever lost one of them. Responsibility is a key trait I learned to have early since I knew I would be watching the kids a lot. I would do absolutely anything for any one of the kids. To specify on the song choice, the chorus is the main part that I want to focus on. “With arms wide open. Under the sunlight. Welcome to this place; I’ll show you everything.”

Bucket List

This is probably the one of the few times that I will write about one of the choices Mrs. Witt gives us, because I like going on my own and talking about what I want to talk about. I chose to write about this because I love bucket lists; I think it's interesting reading about what others want to do before they die, and it gives me the feeling that I can do anything. I already have one started on my Tumblr, so I'll paste that on here and cross off the ones that are already done. :) So, here's my bucket list:

1. Finish High School
2. Go to college
3. Get married
4. Have the wedding of my dreams
5. Get my wedding dress from Kleinfeld's in NYC
6. Sky dive
7. Be happy with who I've grown to be
8. Have the body I want
9. Go on a mission's trip
10. Travel the world
11. Go to Victoria Fall's with the one I love
12. Have children
13. Get a tattoo
14. Jump off a waterfall like in the movies
15. Be remembered for something great
16. Witness a miracle
17. Scuba dive
18. Bungee jump
19. Witness a flash mob first hand or be in one
20. See the Northern Lights
21. Learn how to play a new instrument
22. Get my industrial pierced
23. Swim with dolphins 
24. Watch a meteor shower

My list is continually growing, but I'm constantly trying to find opportunities to cross things off. 

One-On-One Learning

I have no idea how much we've talked about this in school, but I'm going to talk about it again. Why do we have computers if we're not allowed to go on half the sites because they're in the "general", "forum", or "teacher-safe" categories. When we go to college, we're going to be thrown into an totally different environment where we have the freedom to roam the internet whenever we please. We're not going to have the practice or know how to control ourselves from going to other sites. We're going to be little guppies thrown into a tank full of sharks.

First off, being blocked from sites because they're categorized as general? This should not be allowed. Our high school students are between the ages of fourteen and eighteen. We are being treated like adolescent children by blocking us from those sites. If you're a student on your school computer, go to Google and type in squid. Click enter. Look at that. A blue page pops up saying, "Sorry, squid is an unacceptable search." What.

Second. Referring back to Google, you know what drives me nuts? How if you search something in Google images, half the pictures are blocked. How are we supposed to find good pictures for presentations? And this goes back to just regular Google Search. Half of these sites are blocked, so how are we supposed to research if these sites are blocked? Less than half the student body has passwords to college sites or sites like Gale and Ebsco to use for research.

Lastly, and I know I've stated this plenty of times in my past and especially this year, but how are we expected to act like adults if we're still treated like children? I am a senior in high school, and sophomores and freshmen have the same privileges as me. I don't know about you, but I think there's a serious problem with this issue. We've talked about this numerous times in our college comp class, but I just want to restate this in hope that things might somewhat change for the future juniors and seniors at Okoboji High School. Juniors and seniors should have more privileges than freshmen and sophomores. I would suggest opening up more sites for juniors and seniors. Teach us how to control ourselves by allowing us to go to other sites on our own but not actually doing so. Then with this practice, we would be more ready for college.

I could probably go on and on about this issue, but I know that many of you who are reading this have already talked about this a ridiculous amount. But if one of our school board members or even one of tech guys are reading this, take this into consideration. I'm not one who normally complains about our school, but I think this is a large problem that we have, and that if we truly want to ready students for college then we need to give them more opportunities to control our "needs" to go to other sites.